On Being Mama

Even though Logan is almost a year old, sometimes it hits me, as if for the first time, that I am a mother.

Mama. 

Will it always be that way? Will that sudden realization always catch me by surprise? This is, without a doubt, the most important and most amazing thing I have ever done. It is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day, changing diapers-preparing meals-running baths, and forget to stop and feel the sheer joy that this sweet amazing little boy brings. 

Tonight he was having trouble falling asleep. I very rarely hold him asleep anymore, because we put him to bed awake and he generally will go on to sleep on his own. Tonight was different. He was upset.

I opened his door and scooped him up from his crib. Holding him to my front like a little monkey. "Shh, shh, shh," I gently shush and he calms down with his head on my shoulder. 

Little shuddery breaths tickle my ear.

I gently rock from side to side and continue my quiet shushing. His eyelids grow heavy and I return him to his crib.

His back barely touches the sheet, he cries out and reaches for me. His Mama. 

  

Back in my arms, he quiets instantly.

I sit in the rocking chair, that just today I was thinking of putting in storage. 

He straddles me, head on my chest. And we rock. 

Mama and baby.

Me and my son.